Letter to My Baby (9th May 2012)

Dear Baby Noah,

I got news at the hospital yesterday that you will arrive next Thursday 17 May 2012.  You will be arriving 5 weeks early because the doctors say you’re in trouble and will not make it past the next two  weeks or so.  Right now I don’t know if you’re gonna make it, baby.  Mommy was given the option to ‘let nature take its course’ – because your heart is failing – or to take the active intervention option.  I’ve opted for the latter so we will be delivering you via caesarean and hoping to be able to save you.  You have a ton of hurdles to overcome, baby. When you’re delivered, you’re going to need to be resuscitated because your lungs, heart, tummy and skin are filled with water.

Mommy has  had two steroid injections to help your lungs grow stronger before you arrive.  And they’re hooking me up to the CTG monitor every second day to check your vitals are still okay. I’m told to come prepared each time to stay for an emergency delivery should they find you in distress.

Because of my appointment times I couldn’t get a parking spot at the hospital yesterday.  This Aussie guy behind me walked out of his vehicle and yelled at me for supposedly blocking him off when in fact he was in the wrong.  I stormed out and yelled back at him but he drove off.  I was keeping an eye out for him at the hospital so I could spit on his face.  I was so ropeable I was prepared to physically assault him despite my duck waddle and overly big tummy due to your condition.

Once you’re delivered and they stabilize you, they will need to operate on your bowel obstruction problem.  You’ll be spending time in the hospital for awhile to recover from that.  Then, if all goes well, you will need open heart surgery at  11 weeks old, thereabouts.

I have looked up the stats on your latest condition, baby.  They’re not looking good.  Anywhere between 40%-90% mortality rate depending on which study you read. But we’re in good hands with the team at Westmead Hospital.  And the duodenal atresia operation that comes after that has a 40% mortality rate as well.  I don’t know about the stats with regards to the atrioventricular defect surgery, baby.  The doctor is unable to fully assess the extent of your problem until you actually arrive.  The odds are against us, but you have people praying for you as we speak.

I will have to stay in the hospital for 3 days at least, after you’re delivered.  I’ve been told to be prepared for the worst.  If you don’t make it it’s gonna be tough to stay there on my own, for the following days.  And it’s gonna be tough returning the baby capsule and baby pram and baby clothes that your cousins have so kindly donated/loaned to us.  So hang in there, baby.

Baby, whatever happens, we know it will be God’s will.  I try to tell myself that you will be better off with Jesus in heaven , because you have a lifetime of struggle ahead of you even if you make it past these complications.  You will need physical therapy, supervision and lifelong monitoring because of your condition.   But Mommy is up to the task, whatever lies ahead.

Whether you make it through the birth or through childhood or through adulthood, mommy will be with you 100% of the way.  So be strong for mommy’s sake, baby.  I love you and I always will.

Postscript 15 May 2012 – Baby Noah was delivered via emergency caesarean yesterday (Monday) at 34 weeks, after a CTG scan revealed abnormal readings over the weekend.  This had been preceded by strong contractions for some 48 hours beforehand.  I’m still recovering at the hospital; I’ve just been told his condition has taken a turn for the worse and the doctors are continuing to work on stabilizing him as we speak.

16/5/2012 – http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/007308.htm

19/5

Baby Noah in the ICU –

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27 thoughts on “Letter to My Baby (9th May 2012)”

  1. I hope everything works out well for you, this is such a beautiful post I can’t even imagine how you are coping x

    1. Thank you – he arrived early via emergency caesarian a couple of hours ago and I’m just out of recovery now. I haven’t even seen him yet since they’ve had to wheel him to ICU and then to the Children’s Hospital later tonight to prep for his surgery. Not out of the woods yet but at least they’ve managed to stabilize him.

  2. Jackie, my thoughts and prayers for you and Noah. I can’t even fathom all the thoughts and emotions that you are going through at the moment. All the best for your little boy x

  3. Jackie, you are one incredibly selfless, tough, and strong mother. Baby Noah is blessed to have you to call Mom. My love and prayers are with you and baby Noah.

    Ellyn xx

  4. Hi fellow schoolmate – thinking of you and Noah – God only gives challenges to those that can handle them. You’re one of the strongest people I know – God bless – see you and Noah real soon at Espresso Organica.

  5. Lots of love, hugs and kisses – and prayers for you and little Noah. God always knows best, dear Jackie. There’s a purpose you both are together and will always be bonded forever. love francisca xx

  6. Oh Jackie, I just read about this, and I’m thinking thoughts of strength and courage for both you and Noah. (If he’s anything like his mommy, he’s a fighter!!!) Love to you from Mike and I. xox

  7. Hey Jackie, I just came here after seeing the video you posted on YouTube. Please know I’ll be praying for the two of you as well. The story of any child having to fight so hard so early on is heartbreaking. Please keep us posted on how things progress.

    1. Thanks v much Ben; I’ve taken to calling him my little Hakka warrior; it’s excruciatingly slow progress but he seems to be coming out on top. Will keep you and everyone else updated 🙂

    1. Thank you very much; today has been a bad day with the prospect of withdrawing his medication being brought up again by the supervising doctor if he doesn’t recover from his hydrops in the next couple of weeks 😦

  8. Lord Jesus, we lift up precious Baby Noah to you. Heavenly Father, you allowed this precious child life. Heal Baby Noah, Lord. You are doctors of all doctors. We ask that you exted Your Almighty Powerful Right Hand over Baby Noah and heal him , Lord. Word a wonderous miracle in this family’s life so that they may testify of your love and mercy. We pray that you give Jackie strength and comfort her soul Lord. Silence all worries. Place a peace in her heart. Touch her heart Lord so that she may place all of her trust in You. In Jesus Most Holy Precious name we pray. Amen

  9. Hi Jackie,
    Just saw the video of baby Noah. HOpe he gets well very soon. I continue to pray for his quick recovery. *he’s gorgeous BTW* 🙂 Take care. Thinking of the both of you.

    Violet xx

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